


Soulshine

by chelseawinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelseawinchester/pseuds/chelseawinchester





	

**Reader POV:**

“Dean Winchester, you cannot just walk away from this!” you yelled at him.

“You know what would happen! One of us would get killed! You’re my weakness, and it shows! There is no way this is going to work, and you know it!”

“Dean…”

Dean’s voice softened a bit. “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to get hurt. Everyone I’ve ever loved has gotten hurt because of me, and I can’t have it again. Not you too.”

Gravel crunched under your feet as you moved toward him. “I love you, Dean. You leaving isn’t going to change that.”

“Don’t say that, please.”

You placed a kiss on his lips before backing away. “I want you to know that these last several months were the best in my life. I wouldn’t trade a single thing for the memories. I know how stubborn you are, so that probably didn’t change anything, but… I needed you to know.”

Tears began to roll down Dean’s face, just like they already were on yours. “Y/N…”

“Go. If you’re going to leave anyway… just go.”

Dean looked at you one last time before climbing into his car and driving away. As soon as he was out of sight, you dropped to the ground in front of your tiny house and sobbed. Loneliness smacked you in the face, taking you over immediately. You weren’t quite sure what you were going to do without Dean.

Officially, you’d been together for six months, though you’d admired him as a hunter for far longer. Sam had to shove both of you in a room together for you to admit your feelings for each other. Since then, you’d been inseparable.

Until now. He left. He left you alone to sit in your room, reminded of him at all times. He didn’t leave much, but the few things he did leave were screaming at you for being so stupid for letting him go.

But you couldn’t have changed anything. It pained you to say it, but he had a point. One of you would have gotten killed if you stayed together, whether it was because you were too protective of each other on hunts or because some demon would use one of you to get to the other. It wasn’t fair, though. You loved him more than anything and you needed him by your side.

You grabbed your earbuds and turned on your favorite song, “Soulshine” by The Allman Brothers.

_When you can’t find the light_

_That guides you on the cloudy days_

_When the stars ain’t shinin’ bright_

_You feel like you’ve lost your way_

_When those candle lights of home_

_Burn so very far away_

_Well you gotta let your soul shine_

_Just like my daddy used to say_

Listening to the song relaxed you, made you feel better about yourself. So you just laid on your bed, listening to the song over and over again.

**Dean’s POV:**

I drove off with tears streaming down my face. Along with Sam, Y/N was my life. The second I saw her, I was enamored with her. Then when Sam finally sat us down and I was able to tell her how I felt, and I heard the words reciprocated… It was incredible. There she was, this amazing, beautiful, smart woman, sitting in front of me, telling me she loved me. I almost didn’t know what to say.

_Shit, Dean, don’t think about her, you’ll just go back._ I turned on whatever tape was last playing.

_He used to say soulshine_

_It’s better than sunshine_

_It’s better than moonshine_

_Damn sure better than rain_

Her favorite song. Of course that’s what you listened to, she loved that fucking song. I reached to turn it off, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It may have torn my heart apart, but I listened anyway.

_Hey now people don’t mind_

_We all get this way sometime_

_Got to let your soul shine, shine till the break of day._

Listening to the song made it difficult not to turn around and go right back to her and hold her in my arms until the world ended. But I drove away anyway, knowing something would happen to one of us. The only reason I cared if something happened to me was because both Sammy and Y/N would be devastated. But mostly, I wouldn’t be able to stand it if Y/N was hurt–or worse–because of me.

I drove for hours. I didn’t care where I ended up, I just knew it was best to be far from Y/N, for her sake. She would be pissed at me for a while, but in the long run she’d be better without me.

I looked over at the empty seat next to me, remembering when Y/N and I drove out to northern California, spending a few days by ourselves. The drive was just as fun as actually being there. I loved watching her as she admired the scenery, rather than worrying about what would meet us on our next hunt.

I missed her so much already. I couldn’t believe I just left her behind. I needed her. _But she’ll get killed. She deserves a life._

Fuck. I kept driving, trying to get her out of my mind.

**Reader POV:**

He thought he was so smart. He always felt guilty for anything happening to you, but he was a fucking idiot. The one and only thing you would blame on him is how alone you felt without him. He and Sam were the only family you had and you needed them with you.

You cooked alone in your tiny kitchen, but it felt huge without Dean in it. He would cook with you and everything felt cramped with you two trying to work around each other. It was the opposite now.

Things were quiet. You were used to Sam and Dean arguing–well, disagreeing–over some ridiculous topic like the better third stooge. You laughed through your tears as you thought, _they never did figure that one out, did they?_

You couldn’t sleep without Dean. You didn’t feel safe without his arms wrapped around you. You always knew nothing would get to you when he was there, but you were vulnerable now–especially to the cold. You went without real sleep for days. No matter how many positions you laid in, you couldn’t get comfortable, and real sleep never came. Sure, you might have gotten an hour here and there, but nothing substantial.

After a week, you managed to get seven hours of sleep, all in a row. You finally woke refreshed. The feeling was different, but nice. Maybe you could finally get more sleep.  
___________

You returned to hunting a few weeks later. Nothing bigger than salt-and-burns, though, you weren’t ready for anything else. It hurt to hunt without Sam and Dean, but you couldn’t mope around the house all day.

You didn’t feel any enjoyment from hunting now–it was just a job. Hopefully that enjoyment would come back eventually, but you were worried it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

**Dean’s POV:**

Sam said I got more reckless after I left Y/N. He thought I didn’t care whether I lived or died at that point–he wasn’t entirely wrong, but for the most part I didn’t want to die. Part of the reason I left Y/N was because I knew my death would affect her and Sam too much, so I sure wasn’t going to get myself killed now. I needed to be there for Sam. But I didn’t care much about what I did. Yeah, I liked saving people, but every other part of it lacked the excitement it normally held.

There were a million times that I almost called her, but I couldn’t do it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I knew I shouldn’t. It was difficult, but I always managed to put my phone away. A clean break was best–it would be harder for us both if I called her now.

**Reader POV:**

The house started to feel bigger again. You weren’t nearly as alone. Sleep came easily every night, though sometimes you still woke up expecting someone next to you. Life was getting back to normal–being alone was something you were beginning to enjoy again, rather than it being a reminder of the six months you had with Dean.

You still missed him, of course, that wasn’t gone. Everything was just… better.

**Dean POV:**

I listened to the song over and over again.

_I grew up thinkin’ that I had it made_

_Gonna make it on my own_

_Life can take the strongest man_

_Make him feel so alone_

Now with Sammy gone, too, those words rang even more true. I had lost everyone. I drove Y/N away, and Sam gave himself to the Devil. I was on my own with nowhere to go. So I just took Baby and drove away. Away from my problems, away from the hole I watched my brother fall into. I drove to nowhere in particular, just away.

I don’t think I meant to drive there. Maybe I did. But when I arrived, I didn’t get out of the car. My heart pounded in my chest. I was terrified of what she might say.

**Reader POV** :

You knew the roar of the Impala wasn’t real. That’s what your mind told you, at least. He wouldn’t come back, he was the one who broke it off.

The knock at the door brought you out of your thoughts. _No…_

Warily, you walked to the front door, thinking it could be a coincidence. It wasn’t Dean. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t come back.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

Your breathing halted. “…Dean.”


End file.
